I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
