at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
