I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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