Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
