He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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