I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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