I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
