Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
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Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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