The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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