from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
