She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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