idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
