woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
