I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
