K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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