FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
