I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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