I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
