i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
