so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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