Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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