everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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