Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
