As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
