i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
