I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
