there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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