OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
