She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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