Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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