I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
