i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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