We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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