she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
the liver wants what the liver wants
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
