just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
