I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
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We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize