So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
