She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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