Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
