I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
