I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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