My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
