Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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