Can Purell be used as lube?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize