I hate your face
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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