so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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