I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
