Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
