people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
