I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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