So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
