i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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