Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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