Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
