Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
