I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
