Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
