eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
