Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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