i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
