While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
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Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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