I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
