Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
