I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
