she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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