So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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