whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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