She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
