Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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