those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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