you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
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"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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