He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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