If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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