I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
