So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
