he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
