Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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