So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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