new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
