The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
